Apparently, most intellectuals have a hard time at getting non-veg jokes (or maybe they do, but they don’t want to admit it). But what about the less intellectual of us? If you are a non-intellectual yourself and you get their jokes, then it’s good for you. However, if you don’t, we wish you good luck in trying to understand the logic of these clever jokes. Even if you don’t manage to figure the jokes right off the bat, you’ll surely love them once you do.
1. Knock, knock.Who’s there?To.To who?No, to whom.
2. One DNA talks to the other DNA:”Do these genes make me look chubby?” 3. A Roman citizen goes into a bar, asking the bartender for a martinus.”Maybe you want a martini?” the bartender replies.The Roman then says “If I wanted a double one, you can rest assured I would have told you so!”Another Roman walks into the bar, raises two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
4. A philosopher talks to his friend, a linguist: “What if, rather than having periods, women had apostrophes?”The linguist replied, “They’d surely be more possessive and experience more frequent contractions.”
5. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs! These people always take things literally!
6. A Buddhist monk goes to a burger restaurant and says “make me one without onions.”He hands the vendor a $100 bill. The vendor takes it, puts it away, and hands the monk the burger.”Where’s my change?” the monk asks.The food-truck guy replies, “change comes from within.”
7. How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?Ask them to pronounce the word “unionized.”A plumber would say ‘you_niun_ized,’ whereas a chemist would pronounce ‘un_ayon_ized.’ How cool is this?
8. Helium walks into a bar.The bartender refuses to serve him -“We don’t serve noble gases in here.”Helium doesn’t react.
9. Two chemists walk into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”The second one says “I’ll have the same.”—and he drops dead .
10. What were the words of the scientist who found 2 isotopes of helium?”HeHe”
11. A linguistics teacher says during one of his lectures that, “In English, a double negative always forms a positive. But in other languages, such as Russian, a double negative stays a negative. Nonetheless, there’s no language in the world in which a double positive will form a negative.”
12. The definition of a hyperbole: an exaggerated claim. No, truly, trulllllllllllyyyyy exaggerated. I want to say, well, the most exaggerated claim in the entire history of ever!!
13. As I said so many times before before, I never repeat myself.
14. I would tell you another chemistry joke to make you laugh but all good ones ARGON!
15. The statement below is true. The statement above is false.
16. I wish there was a setting on my TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s only a setting called brightness, but it doesn’t appear to work!
17. The Higgs Boson goes into a religious facility and wants to sit.The priest wants to kick him out saying “we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in our church.”The Higgs Boson thenreplies “but without me how can you have mass?”
18. When I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together, the first thing that came to my mind was….”OMg”
19. I know there’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs so far, though.